20100503.009 MY LIFE THUS FAR . . ."AS I AM"

20100503.009 MY LIFE THUS FAR . . ."AS I AM"

Did I really let April pass completely by without posting a single BLOG? Well, I shall rectify that mistake tonight. Let me begin by telling you some of the events and emergences I have had since my last posting.

During the month of April I had the joy of going to a clergy retreat the week after Easter. The joy comes in the fact that I got to meet some friends that I have not seen for a long time and I got to hear some keynotes that reassured me of some of what I have been dealing with. Does this mean I have an answer to what I have been looking for? Possibly. More likely, however, is I am going to give an answer to God and God will then need to deal with the answer I give in whatever way God sees fit.

Recently, I had the chance to go to Dallas, TX for the conference on BUILDING AN INCLUSIVE CHURCH. It was a powerful experience and I know that whatever my future entails, it will include work towards bringing the church into an open and affirming mode of life.

But the point that I really want to get to comes from a song that I have truly fallen in love with. The Movie “THE BIG GAY MUSICAL” has finally been released and I rented it on ITUNES to see if I wanted to buy it. The answer to that is a resounding YES! The music is great, the flow of the movie is great. But most importantly is the last song in the whole show. It is entitled “AS I AM” and can be found on YOUTUBE here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THKdEs_lwWg

The most important part is the chorus which says, “I was put on this earth as I am, I was born with my own special blessings, I'll let them shine and not give a damn, I was put on this earth as I am.” Now, I realize many of my friends have tried and tried to hammer into my head that I am a person of value and worth. But sometimes it takes a combination of things to really help that message sink home. The movie, coupled with the last song, coupled with the conference in Dallas, all came together for me to help me see the truth of it all. I am given my own special blessings that others don’t have. I am put on this earth to be God’s creation. With maybe a few less pounds, but if that is the case, God will help me with that too. Ultimately, I am a person of value and worth who is called by God to live a life different from the norm. And to those who would condemn me and tell me that I am wrong, I am evil, I don’t belong here, I fully understand now how pitiful they are. I truly feel sorry for them, because they will never understand the love that God has poured out on me.

Does this mean that I am totally positive and I won’t have anymore negative days? No. But it does mean that I have one more handle with which to hold on to when I feel myself sliding down to darkness. My hope is that there are others who will read this and have a listen to the video on YOUTUBE and discover for themselves the hope within the words. Blessings always - David L.

P.S. and after note to share, I do not wish to infringe on the copyright of the song AS I AM which belongs to Big Gay Musical Productions.