WHY CAN’T LIFE BE SIMPLE?

WHY CAN’T LIFE BE SIMPLE?

It has been some time since I last wrote a BLOG, and it isn’t for lack of ideas, or for lack of trying. It is basically because I keep getting sidetracked. Sidetracked as in “Ooo, I’m hungry, I think I’ll eat” or “Ooo, I’m tired. I think I’ll sleep” or most recently “ooo, I’m sick, I think I’ll sleep, cough, cough, eat, cough, cough, sleep, cough, cough” You get the picture, I’m sure.

But, in reference to the title of this BLOGISODE, life is far too complex, and I want life to be simple. I can’t really put my finger on one single point as to what does it, but I have been feeling that life is far too complex. All of the issues that I deal with on a daily basis, all of the people who have real heartfelt needs that I want to help, but can’t, all of the happenings world wide that scream, “We are heading towards a great cataclysm, so you better watch out” All of this and still more.

At a more personal level, I am lonely. Yes, I’ve been lonely for some time. And to all of you my family and friends reading this, I’m talking about partner lonely here. I want a man. Someone to connect with, someone to talk to at the intimate level, and yes, even someone to cuddle, kiss, and have sex with. To a certain extent I am feeling my biological clock tick, and although it isn’t he baby making clock, it is the feeling of “I’m getting older, am I ever going to find someone who loves me for the simple fact of me being me? I am 45 years old. I’m a gay man who has had only two male experiences in my life. Face it, there are some things I would really like to try before I die! And, honestly, if the Gay Community is supposed to be filled with rampant sex, then something is wrong, because I know a lot of gays who aren’t getting any, just like me!

But, as it is with most things in life, this frustration, this loneliness, this feeling of absence goes deeper than just finding a partner. It is also wrapped up in seeing my life as a jumbled mess and wanting it simplified, seeing my life rushing by and not being able to stop and smell the roses, or pick a turning maple leaf, or close my eyes and hear the wind rushing through the hills. Is it just a cruel act of life that the older you get the faster everything rushes by you, or is it meant to be this way for a reason? And if it IS some reason, what is that reason. In other words, WHY?

Yes, it comes back to that question that seems to haunt me in my waking thoughts and my sleep. WHY is life the way it is? WHY do we struggle so much? WHY try to make sense of it all? And the answer that comes floating through the eons of time and space is still the only answer I ever get. And that answer is . . . “!”

Blessings - David L.