It’s my birthday! It is also the birthday for Ben Franklin, Jim Carrey, Michelle Obama, and Betty White! Betty White, by the way, is 95 years old! And I am the same age as Michelle Obama (but she doesn’t look it). So, What am I doing on my birthday? I am writing this BLOG of course! And I am just thinking about some of the things that I have seen during my 53 years of life on this earth.
I have seen the birth and development of the personal computer. I remember in eighth grade when my math teacher go a single personal computer and let me come in before school to learn how to use it. It was a blast!
I remember in tenth grade moving to a new school in Colorado, and immediately connecting with several computer nerds and becoming a nerd myself. I also remember discovering the joy of the drama department and living a second life on the stage.
I remember in College really beginning to struggle with what it meant to be Christian and gay and the feelings of being so very lost and alone.
It was after I graduated from College, moved to Texas to be with my parents and counseling a Church camp that I received my calling to Seminary and Christian Ministry. And it was in Seminary that I began hoping that I could lead a normal life with my soul-mate Kate. I proposed and after we both graduated we got married. She knew full well I was gay and was willing to struggle with me. And I knew she was bi and I was willing to struggle with her. I adopted her two children and we began our lives as one family. We moved and she was diagnosed with Systemic lupus and I began serving her church in her place.
I have experienced her death in 2006 and the feeling of being lost and alone resurfaced. Struggling with depression and grief, all that while trying to make life work. Having my first mental breakdown and going to the hospital to be started on new medication. Moving in with my parents in 2009 and taking care of them. In 2010 after dealing with a dysfunctional church and the havoc it was causing in my life, leaving that and feeling like I had failed the people who still cared for me and God.
I remember living with my son and thinking that I was making life work finally only to have him berate me in front of my grand daughter, shortly after my 51st birthday. I stopped taking my medication, wrote a suicide note, and attempted suicide again. My son threw me out of his trailer, and I was hospitalized for a second time. Now, as a depressed homeless man I was sent to the State Hospital and was started on new medication. When I was released, I was allowed to stay with a friend for a few days and then moved in with some other friends who opened their home and they hearts to me, loving me back into the world.
I remember June of 2015 getting my own low income apartment. Trying to make things work and discovering myself all over again. It has been a time filled with going to support groups and counseling. Slowly coming out of a very dark place. Finding out how much diet and sleep affect my mood. There really is a lot more I could write here, but I won’t. I will end here knowing that I actually can say “I hope to have more days to come” and knowing that it has been a very hard road in getting to this place. So, Until next time, blessings in all you do!
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