20160831.006 ... ON BEING A TURTLE

    First let me note that, although I am aware of the "Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles," this post is not about being a member of such a group. This post is about being called a turtle by my medication provider recently in a counseling session.
    Some people might take offense at being called a turtle, but I have been called much worse in my life so being a turtle is not problematic. And so there is a very good reason why she called me a turtle. It all has to do with my current and continued healing from my depression. So, let me take you back to the beginnings and try and explain myself
    When I had my most recent break (nervous break down, emotional break, call it what you will), I had come to the conclusion that talking was highly over rated.  In fact, I am still trying to get back into the flow of talking.  That may seem like a strange thing to type, but it is true.  You see, before my break I was being corrected about various things I said and did.  In my eyes, I saw the corrections as telling me how wrong I was. I still see that from some people. And, of course, being told you are wrong enough times leads to feeling like a failure. Couple all of this with the church I had served for close to 10 years becoming a completely new church, new denomination, one that I really don’t see as being Christian, and my family basically telling me I am wrong, all leads to that failure feeling and feeling worthless and hopeless.  Now can you begin to understand why I would chose to stop talking? And why it has become quite a struggle to start talking again? But ever so slowly I have begun to peek out from under my shell (to borrow on the turtle metaphor again) and look around.  And it is because of this peeking that my medication provider called me a turtle, because she has seen it happen over the year and a half that she has watched my recovery.
    So, I’m a turtle in the sense that I am slowly sticking out my head, looking around and moving toward recovery. And I am sure there are many other metaphors that could be used to represent me right now. I welcome you all to share those with me! But, one thing I need to try and NOT be is a jack rabbit – trying to jump ahead of my recovery.  It is going to take a while and so I might as well savor the experience. Blessings always - David L.