20110126.001 WHY? . . . NAMASTE!

20110126.001 WHY? . . . NAMASTE!

I Must apologize for not getting this BLOG post written sooner! I had hoped to publish my first BLOG post for 2011 on my birthday And I am well over a week past that time. By the way, I am now 47 years old! Or, for those who are fearful in our community of stating such advanced age, I celebrated my 21st anniversary of the 26th birthday! Ha ha ha! And from that you can figure out what year I was born. But that is not why I titled my BLOG “WHY?” The reason for that is as follows:

Toward the first of the month I attended a gathering at a friend’s house. I have always enjoyed this friend with their family because they accept me for who I am and for what I am. Or, at least, that is what I thought. While at this friend’s house another person and I had a chance to talk a lot. And, although I have had my suspicions about this person being gay, I have really bad GAYDAR and so I just assumed it was my mind playing with my emotions of how great it would be if this person WAS gay. A side note here, those friends who know how bad my GAYDAR is, call that my WISHDAR! At any rate, we had a great time talking. Later in the week, I had a chance to visit with someone else who was at the gathering and they noted that one of my friend’s parents was upset because I was flaming a bit too much and “causing” this other friend (the one I suspected of being gay) to flame as well. I was asked kindly to not talk about being gay around the family anymore. Of course, because these BLOGS very seldom are about a single issue or moment I want to share some other issues that connect and relate to all of this. Within the GLBT community, we have several words for who we are. Besides being called GAY, we also are called LESBIAN, BI-SEXUAL, TRANSGENDER, QUEER, QUESTIONING, INTERSEXUAL and there are several other letters we can add. Some words NOT included in this list include the “F” word (fag or faggot) which many people find offensive.There are many who find the word QUEER offensive even though it maybe explained that QUEER is the collegiate term for the area of study of our lives (i.e. Queer studies, Queer poetry, Queer artists). The long and short of the matter is that people (even some within the GLBT community) see any of those terms as being bad. This, of course, boils down to the title and reason for this BLOG. Recently, because of all of this ruminating in my head, I posted on my FACEBOOK the following status, “SO, YOU SAY THAT AS IF IT IS SOMETHING BAD. WHY?” And that is what the WHY is all about!

Why do people have to look at GAY, FAG, FAGGOT, QUEER and any other words as being BAD words? Why do people have to consider who I am and what I am as being something so horrible that they break into tears when talking about it? Of course, I can somewhat understand those who are close minded to be upset and offended about my life, my feelings, my very being! But, those who CLAIM to accept me for being gay, why do they consider it a bad thing?

The only answer I can formulate in my mind is because, even those who may CLAIM that it is OK to be gay, STILL see it as an abnormality. Needless to say, this is not any different with other minority groups. There are people who still look upon someone with more color to their skin that I have as being an “OUTSIDER” or “ABNORMAL” When you hear someone talk about another person in a profession that is not usually associated with women, do you recognize the sexism in their language when they talk about that person? What about when people are talking about someone who is older, younger, shorter, taller, whatever the distinction, do you hear the “-ISM” or “-PHOBIC” language that they use? It really is sad that we haven’t advanced very far. And here it is 2011.

And the heart-wrenching point of all of this, is that I have no solution. Those who see me as “GOD’S MISTAKE”, “DAMAGED GOODS”, “AN ANATHEMA”, whatever term they can come up with, they will probably always see me as that! There is little if anything I can do. Except, of course, for taking a stand about who I am. I am me! You may or may not like it, but that is the simple fact. I am a 47 year old gay white male, who is still trying to understand life and all of its weird twists and turns. Accept me for who I am or don’t, but ultimately you will have to deal with me! To use a saying from our community, “I’m here! I’m queer! Get use to it!”

So, what do I do about the person who wants me to stop "flaming" around the family? Well, I haven’t been over there for awhile. I really hope that if any of them are reading this, they don’t get mad at the person who passed on the request of the parent. What I would hope is that they all come to realize that being gay is not a bad thing, just like being straight isn’t a bad thing! What IS bad is when we segregate, separate, limit, and minimize anyone for some quality they have! I am pretty sure that God doesn’t do that to any of creation, and God doesn’t want us to do it either!

One final note, I am reminded of the word that people use when greeting and departing from the practice of yoga. NAMASTE. The way it was explained to me, it means, “I greet the Divine in you that is also in me.” What a wonderful way of looking upon another person! Maybe, rather than thinking of the qualities of another person, as being bad, we should look at the totality of the person and see the Divine Force that dwells in them and also in us! With that, I say to you and all others, NAMASTE! - David L.