20101002.015 GUILTY AS CHARGED!

20101002.015 GUILTY AS CHARGED!

Well, it looks like it has been over a month since I wrote a BLOG. And for that, I am truly sorry. It also seems that a topic or subject comes rising up from the depths of nowhere and triggers this urge within me to write something. That is why I am writing this BLOG for you right now. For those who have been living in a vacuum, there have been a large number of teen suicides as of late. And the ones that have crossed our airwaves have been of gay teens. Tonight, I was watching the evening news with my mom & dad. And the story about the gay college student from Rutgers came on. I listened about how there is some question whether it was a gay hate crime or not. “After all, the victim’s roommate has several gay friends” the news caster reported. At that point, I had to put in my two cents. You see, it doesn’t matter if the person who is doing the teasing or taunting is gay or has gay friends. What matters is how the victim perceives the teasing and taunting within themselves. You see, I have been there, and in fact, still struggle with my own personal battle scars. I have never actually attempted suicide, but I have thought about it a lot! It was because I was THINKING about suicide that I was hospitalized two years ago. But, my battle scars run much deeper than that, as do most who have struggled with being different.

I have explained this in past BLOGS but will explain it here, again. Every time you hear someone give a disparaging remark, every time you see someone show anger at you for being different, every time you get shoved into a locker or get hit for being gay, you are psychologically cut. And those cuts turn into gashes, and those gashes become those voices inside your head that tell you, you are worthless, you are horrible, you are evil for being the way you are. And when someone pushes you too far, even if they did it out of “fun”, your mind, your psyche, tells you, you need to end it all right there. It is called internalized homophobia and I have been there. In fact, I still struggle with it. I am not so well adjusted that I am able to simply brush off the comments and attitudes of others around me. I did not know Tyler Clementi, but I think I understand at least a little of what he thought and what he felt. The feeling of fear and red if others knew my dirty little sex secrets, the yearning to be “normal” what ever that may be, the drive to keep my life “under the covers” so no one else knows what is really happening in my life, all of these lead to the fear of being gay. I can only imagine the hatred that Tyler must have had for himself when he learned that his roommate had aired his “dirty laundry” to the internet! Is it any wonder why he would kill himself? Now, do you understand why it isn’t about the person committing the crime, but rather it is about the person who is the victim of the crime?

And here is where my title comes into play. You see, we all are guilty of adding to the internalized homophobia of Tyler and everyone else who has been demeaned for being who they are. We are all guilty of laughing at or tell gay jokes and perpetrating gay punch lines. We are all guilty of fostering a society and culture of hatred when we refuse to speak up against someone who uses the phrase, or we, ourselves, use “that’s so gay” to mean something bad. We are all guilty whenever we do anything that puts “being gay” into a second class or negative view. We are all guilty, guilty as charged! And the only way that we can assuage our guilt is to start showing compassion to each other more, start speaking out that being gay is OK, that it is OK to be different, that being gay is good, that being gay is not sinful, it is not something to be rejected, it is not worth killing someone over. We are guilty as charged. But there is hope. Will you change and take a stand with me to reach out to the millions of other Tylers who hate themselves? Will you changed the way society views those who seem different in one way or another? Will you change how you react to those who are different and show them the acceptance that every human being deserves? And that is where the hope lies, because I have written this with the hope that you will! - Blessings in all ways - David L.