20100314.007 TO EVERYTHING TURN, TURN, TURN

20100314.007 TO EVERYTHING TURN, TURN, TURN

(Preface: even though I am posting this on Monday, I really did write it early yesterday morning, so, please read it as such. L8r)

Here it is early Sunday morning, March 14, 2010. You would think that going to bed at 12:45 am (before the time change) and waking up at 5:30 am (after the time change) that I would be tired. And, in fact, I may end up going back to bed instead of doing what I have planned for today, but for this moment, I feel the need to write a BLOG that is long over due. So, let me catch you up on some of my life and what I have been dealing with over the past couple of weeks and then I can deal with the title fo the BLOG.

For some time, now, I have been battling major depression. And, although I have been taking my medicine and going to counseling, the depression has just continued deeper and deeper. Recently, I was told that the Pastoral Relations Committee - the committee that is supposed to be my sounding board and support which is also called the PRC - was going to ask me to take a Sabbatical (See previous BLOG). Now, it is one thing when you realize and plan to take time off so that you can regroup, refocus, and re-energize, but when another group throws that at you out of the blue, one can get the feeling that they are being attacked. In trying to uncover the motives and reasons for this, it became increasingly apparent that at least one of the people who seems to be attacking me was at the root of it all. I know this because, even though, it was suggested that someone else, a friend, was recommending it, this other detractor was upset that the PRC couldn’t force me to take the sabbatical right away (because I had intended on taking one after Easter). The more I struggled with this person being upset that I wasn’t going to be out immediately, and the fact that there are several others who keep attacking the actions and missions of the church and other members, the more I decided that I just couldn’t take it any more. Let’s face it, there is only so much that any one person can take of being condemned and demeaned as a failure, before they end up breaking all together. I have been close to that point for some time. And so, on March 3, I made some phone calls, talked with several people, and said, “I’ve had enough and I can’t handle any more of it.” And I announced in worship on March 7th, that I would be starting my sabbatical on March 12th.

So, here I am, the first Sunday in awhile where I don’t have to get up to get ready for worship and I can’t sleep. Ironic, I think. At any rate, I am faced with several issues while I am on this Sabbatical. First off, I am asking all of you who are reading this for lots and lots of prayers, candle lighting and positive thoughts and energies flowing my way. I will tell you that after I made the decision on March 3rd, I felt 50% less stress and it has continued increasing (that is the stress has continued decreasing) as the days have moved forward. One of the major stressors that I had to let go of was “What will the Church do?” The fact is, I have to trust that God will call forth workers to fill the needs. And, yes, I am vindictive to a certain level and want those who have been decrying all of my evils to see that they can’t do things without me. But, I also realize that such an attitude is really not healthy and so I am trying to let my anger and animosity go. Secondly, I am faced with several difficult questions for my future. And they are as follows: Am I still called to serve this Church? Am I still called to be a pastor? Am I such a screw-up as a minister and as a person that I need to step as far away from the ministry as possible and seek to do something else entirely? Of course, none of these questions can be answered out right. And I will be praying over them and trying to hear God’s voice in all of this. But, this, of course, leads me to the title of this BLOG. In the 1960's the Byrds recorded the song entitled, “To Everything Turn, Turn, Turn” which is taken from Ecclesiastes 3. The song and the Scripture passage both make the profound point that every purpose has a time for it to be fulfilled. What is difficult for us as humans, is in knowing when that time is fulfilled.

And so, here is the point of all of this. What is the time or the season that I am in? What is the time for the purpose of the church I serve? These questions and many more like them, are questions that can’t be answered after a short time in prayer. They will require a lot more introspection and a lot more prayer. So, ultimately, it comes down to me hoping and praying that whatever is God’s will, it will be done.

Blessings always - DL