20150825.009 - REPEAT . . . AD NAUSEAM

There are some lessons that bear repeating in one’s life.  And then there are the lessons that repeat and repeat and repeat until you are totally sick of them.  But, you have to repeat them over and over again because they are profound in the moment of discovery. Such is the case of me coming out! “But, David, We have heard this all before!” I can just imagine you all saying that! And, I know this is a rehash. But Recently I had an “ah-ha” moment where I realized it yet again. During a therapy meeting I was discussing my fear of coming out gay. As you all should know from reading my blogs, I am gay and one never come out only once, but over and over again. And each time that one comes out, there tends to be an innate fear. My fears tend to get the best of me, hence the reason why I am doing therapy.  At any rate, I was discussing my fear and came to realize that much of my fear can be made up and self-imposed. That is, until I got home and talked with my daughter about her visit with her fiance’s brother who is also gay.  When I ask how the meeting went, she said, “It was good.  And he was surprised to find that my father was gay. He relaxed and was more of himself after that.” And that described my same feelings that I was trying to explain to my therapist. Someone else had that same feeling, the same uncertainty, the same weary sense of one’s nature that I experience as well. Now, mind you , mine can get out of hand, but I am working on that issue. And, over all, it is a sense of relief that I am not so different from others.

So, the next time I start to feel the sense of foreboding that comes from the coming out process, I will work extra hard to not feel isolated and alone.  There are others who experience similar feeling and frustrations, I am sure. So, until next time, take care and  you all have a blessed life! - David L.