20110409.003 THEY STILL DON’T GET IT! . . . LIFE IS TOO SHORT!

20110409.003  THEY STILL DON’T GET IT! . . . LIFE IS TOO SHORT!


So, I am sitting here at my computer with the deep need to write something.  Unlike other times where I have thought through the ideas several times over, this time I have encountered two points that have struck me and I just have a deep sense of pain, struggle, loss, AND the need to write something!  ANYTHING!


The first item of note is concerning your favorite subject and mine (ok, maybe just mine!  At least one that I write a lot about.) - being gay.  As a gay man who has struggled with feelings of being gay, struggled with accepting myself as being gay, struggled with being accept by others, and struggled with what it means to be gay in this world, I have done a lot of struggling!  I wish I could convey to those who are straight just what it is to feel this kind of pain, anxiety, and turmoil.  As a gay man I grew up with people telling me that being gay was wrong, being gay was evil, that gays could never enter heaven (this in spite of my dad preaching sermons of God’s love being unbounded and given to everyone).  I lived in the closet so no one else would know of the feelings I had; feelings, I might note, that I never CHOSE!  In grade school I questioned whether God wanted me to cut off my penis and my testicles because Scripture says “If your right eye offends you, pluck it out” and I thought this would be the answer that God must be giving me.  Luckily, (or depending on how one looks at it “unluckily”) something held me back.  In highschool, I prayed night & day to have these feelings taken from me.  In college I questioned whether I was being tormented by demons or if I was possessed.  In Seminary, I attended weekly meetings of a group affiliated with Exodus International for about 1 & ½ months with my best friend who would later become my wife.  We asked ourselves at that 1 & ½ mark, "if we never stop feeling this way, why are we still going to these meetings that are supposed to cure us but not helping?"  After that we stopped attending those meetings.


The end result is that I now live as a gay man who has been married to my soul mate, adopted her children, and watched her die and now I live back with my parents as their care giver. But the reason for this rant is because I recently read a BLOG of a new found friend only to read the vitriolic comments at the end.  And that is where the first part of the title comes from.  For some reason or another people who have grown up in the church (whatever denomination you may be a part of) still can’t get past the Scripture passages that seemingly condemn homosexuality.  People still take our modern day understanding of homosexuality and place it on top of those passages from Biblical times and read that WE, the ones who have these feelings, who want to connect with someone of the same gender in the same way that others want to connect with opposite genders, that we are the same evil wicked people that Scripture warns against and condemns.  THEY JUST DON’T GET IT!  They still hear the condemnation from the pulpits around the world, they still hear the political discourse from governments near and far, they still buy into the same condemnatory attitudes and ideas that have long plagues MY KIND.  And they don’t understand what that does to someone like me!  I would encourage you, if you haven’t already, read my BLOG passages about suicide ( http://tyedyegye.blogspot.com/2010/10/20101027016-act-of-desperation-act-of.html http://tyedyegye.blogspot.com/2010/10/20101002015-guilty-as-charged.html ) in these passages I write about the kind of pain that one feels that may drive them to suicide.  All of the attacks, all of the condemnation, all of the vitriolic attitudes opinions and comments, no matter how they may agree with one’s religion, does one thing and one things only, to create within a person struggling with being gay self hatred and self loathing to the point of want to rid this world of themselves.  ANYONE who voices such attitudes and ideas, no matter how much they claim are coming from a loving heart, are guilty of the deaths of all those who have self terminated.  Because THOSE WORDS have condemned us, THOSE WORDS have driven the knifes into our souls, THOSE WORDS are the weapons that have attacked and killed us all.  THEY STILL DON’T GET IT!  The same Scripture book that the self righteous parade around like the saints they claim to be, also hold some words that those supposed saints seem to ignore.  Micah 6:8 says, “And you, O mortal, what does the Lord require of you, but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.”  Such words of attacking are anything but just, anything but kind.  Such attitudes and opinions that claim holiness and righteousness are not attitudes of humility before God.   Furthermore, James 2;12-13 states, “Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.”  What mercy is being shown when one declares that someone who loves another person of the same gender is damned and evil?  I can seen none!  My brothers and sisters in Christ, how can you condemn one like me and still say that you are following the law of love?


This leads me to the second part of my title.  I am now in my fifth year of remembering my soul-mate’s death.  It is still just as painful, and still just as horrible.  The only difference now is that I have become hardened to it and I don’t cry as much as I did when it first happened.  But I still feel, I still hurt, I still know the feeling of having your heart ripped out and being expected to continue living as if nothing has happened.  Tonight I heard of a death of a friend.  I admit he wasn’t a close friend, and because he wasn’t close, it is my loss.  But this person was only ten years older than me.  He died in a house fire.  I do know that this man had people who loved him and people he loved.  And it is sad that now they must face life alone, without him.  How many of them will wake up tomorrow and say, “I didn’t tell him that I loved him enough, I didn’t enjoy life with him like I should have.” or the one I will face, “I didn’t get to know him more” LIFE IS TOO SHORT!  Why are we so worried about who someone loves, or what other people are doing, when we should be worried more about “Have I shown love to my friends and family today?”  “Have I shown the care and compassion that God expects of me?”  “Have I shown the Christ that lives in my heart?”


You see, it is time to finally understand.  IT IS TIME TO GET IT!  It is time to stop condemning, to stop judging, to stop the attacking and to start loving, to start sharing grace, to start offering mercy and compassion to everyone we meet, because Life is far too short to say, “ I’ll do it tomorrow!”  - Blessings be with you all! - David L.